Kiddie Kare for Hogwarts Teachers
by Alexannah
Summary: Head Boy and Girl Harry and Hermione have a major problem on their hands. After a dodgy delivery to the school, they're forced to open a day-care centre ... for the former staff of Hogwarts! HPHG ADMM
1. The Discovery

Summary: Welcome to Hogwarts' own Day Care Centre. Please take a seat, and I'll be with you as soon as I've stopped Severus and Albus throwing blocks. Poppy, sand isn't a food, and Minerva, nor is paint. No, I don't think Sybill likes the taste either …

Rating: PG but may go up

Warnings: Mild language, but other than that I don't know yet

Disclaimer: All characters belong to JKR, and the last time I saw a lawyer I was in bed for weeks after my allergic reaction … and I only met them for five seconds. Any longer and I may die. So don't set any on me, okay?

Author's Notes: This fic's going to be quite short, probably between not much more than 10 chapters long. I could write a sequel, but at the moment I'm not a hundred per cent sure how this one's going to end, so I don't know. Don't expect regular updates on this one, I just wrote this first chapter to get rid of writer's block – the next may not be out for months.

* * *

**Kiddie Kare for Hogwarts Teachers **

**Chapter One: The Discovery**

By Alexannah

"Harry, wake up!"

"Huh?"

Hermione dug her elbow into him. "Wake up, sleepy-head. The meeting's over."

"It is?" Harry rubbed his eyes and looked round at the empty room, then down at the minutes on her lap, ignoring her glare. "What was decided?"

"Nothing new, apart from the school funds. Professor Lupin is concerned about how the money's being spent: there isn't enough to keep school equipment supplied. But apart from that, nothing."

"Right." Harry flicked briefly through Hermione's records, pausing at the list of those present. "None of the other teachers were here? That's odd."

"According to Professor Lupin, all classes were cancelled because they've all come down with something. There were some iffy mushrooms in last night's omelette. It's strange though, because none of the students appear to be ill."

"Really?" Harry yawned. "How odd. Shall we go, then?"

Hermione sniffed at him and stood, gathering her belongings. "I wish you wouldn't sleep through the meetings, Harry. You'll get your Head Boy badge taken if you go on like this."

"Sorry," Harry said, stifling a second yawn. "But I'm not taking History of Magic anymore."

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"I'm not sleeping well, and I don't have Binns' class to catch up with my sleep in."

"Oh. Why don't you go to Madam Pomfrey for a sleeping potion?"

"I would, but you can get addicted to them if you use them too much. Besides, if the whole staff's ill, I don't want to go near them at the moment. Did you say all the classes are cancelled?"

"… Yes."

"Great. Think I'll have a kip in the dormitory. See you later, Hermione."

Hermione glared at his retreating back, but it was a softer one this time.

* * *

Ron was waiting back in the common room, building a card castle with his Exploding Snap set. He'd never been able to complete it without singeing his eyebrows, but it wasn't for lack of trying.

"How was the meeting, then?"

Hermione sighed. "Harry slept right through it, _again_."

"Is it just me or do I detect a slight lack of hostility in that sentence?"

She raised her eyebrows at him, till he continued, "Normally you come back spitting blood."

Hermione snorted. "I think that's an exaggeration, but you're right: Harry's just told me he hasn't been sleeping well."

"Nightmares?" Ron sat up, knocking his castle flying, which exploded. "Damn. Visions?"

"I don't know; he didn't say." Hermione frowned. "Did he come through here?"

Ron shook his head, rubbing his eyebrows. "No, I haven't seen him. Why?"

"He said he was going to his dormitory." Hermione frowned to herself. "Maybe he's gone to the kitchens."

"Why would he go there? Apart from food. Or visiting Dobby."

Hermione stood. "There was something funny about last night's omelettes. I bet you anything Harry's gone to find out what."

"Where are you going?"

"To find Harry. The kitchens."

Ron shrugged, turned back to his smouldering castle ruin, and sighed.

* * *

"So, about these mushrooms, Dobby?" Harry pressed, politely refusing the plate of blueberry muffins another house-elf was trying to press into his hands.

"I isn't knowing much, Harry Potter, sir. Someone is leaving an extra bag as a present, with a note saying these for the wonderful Hogwarts staff. Dobby isn't knowing where they is coming from."

"Were they very different from the ones served to the students?"

"They is special mushrooms, sir, coming from magical farms. They is usually only served at formal occasions; Dobby's old masters are having some sometimes. They is very expensive, Harry Potter, sir, they is being special present."

"And you've absolutely no idea who sent them?"

"None, Harry Potter, sir, nor is any of the house-elves."

Harry sighed. "Are there any left over?"

"There is some, but Dobby is not knowing where they is being put. The house-elf in charge is visiting relatives and won't be back for a fortnight, sir."

"Could you look for them?" Harry asked. "And what about the note?"

"The note is being with the mushrooms, Harry Potter, sir; but Dobby can look for them."

"Thanks, Dobby. Come and tell me when you do, okay?"

"Thank you Harry Potter, sir, Dobby is honoured he is given the privilege -"

"Harry? Are you there?"

"Hermione! What are you doing here?"

A small smile curled at the corner of her mouth. "A kip in the dormitory, eh?"

Harry shrugged, a sheepish grin on his face. "What can I say? You peaked my curiosity." Quickly he filled her in on what Dobby had told him about the mushrooms, the elf beaming happily in the background.

Hermione chewed her lip thoughtfully. "I don't like this. An anonymous present to the Hogwarts staff? That could have been from anyone. A Death Eater could have sent it and no-one would be any the wiser."

"I don't think it was a Death Eater," Harry shook his head. "Or at least not one acting on Voldemort's orders: it doesn't sound like him. This isn't his style."

"That doesn't comfort me. It could be a junior Death Eater trying to get into his good books. It could be someone in the school for all we know."

Harry sighed. "Do you think we should talk to Professor Dumbledore?"

Hermione stared at him. "Of course we should! Why would you think otherwise?"

"The entire staff ate those mushrooms, Professor Lupin aside. I'm not sure I want to know _exactly_ how ill they are."

"Don't be stupid." Hermione took hold of Harry's arm and started dragging him towards the door. "Bye Dobby, thanks for all your help!"

"Miss is most welcome!" Dobby called happily after them. "Goodbye, Harry Potter, sir!"

Harry pulled his arm out of Hermione's grip as they entered the Entrance Hall. "Are you sure about this, Hermione?"

"Of course I am. From what it sounds like, no-one apart from us have thought to question the house-elves. We ought to tell Professor Dumbledore what we've found out."

"He probably already knows."

"We don't know that -"

"Stop."

Hermione looked round at Harry, who had paused in the middle of the hall. "What?"

He put his finger to his lips. "Can you hear that?"

She frowned. "I can't hear -" She stopped abruptly as the noise came again: crying.

"Where's it coming from?" she asked, looking around.

Harry was walking unsurely towards the dungeon steps. "This way, I think."

"Are you sure? I don't fancy encountering an ill and hacked-off Snape."

"If he's ill he'll be in the Hospital Wing or in his rooms. Come on." Harry took her hand and pulled her down the steps.

The crying grew louder as they reached the bottom. Harry hesitated, listening hard. The sound was coming from behind one of the doors. He and Hermione looked at each other, silently agreeing, and pushed it open.

A small boy no older than two or three was curled up in a corner, wailing quietly into his clothes, which consisted of a grey nightshirt big enough to be adult size and a cloak just as big. His eyes were closed, but his hair was thick and dark and all over the place, sticking to his wet face.

Harry crept over and laid a tender hand on the boy's shoulder. The reaction was unexpected: he flinched violently, his eyes snapping open, recoiling back from Harry. He had big dark eyes, like coals.

"Sorry," Harry said quietly, taking his hand back and kneeling down by the child. "What's your name?"

The boy's lip trembled as he surveyed Harry for a moment, obviously sizing him up, before he murmured, "Sev."

"What are you doing here, Sev?" Hermione said gently, sitting next to Harry.

Sev's eyes flickered back and forth between them. "I-I don't know."

"How did you get here?"

"I-I don't know; I was asleep."

"We should take him to Dumbledore," Harry muttered in Hermione's ear. She nodded and held out her hand to the boy, who took it warily.

"Here we go, Sev. We're going to take you to someone who'll help you, okay?"

He nodded slowly, and clasped Hermione's hand tightly as she led him to the door.

"Right, now we have two things to talk to him about," Harry muttered, thinking. "Hermione, who do you reckon he is?" He nodded at Sev, who was staring straight ahead, appearing fascinated at the display of magic.

"I have no idea," Hermione said, "but what do you make of his clothes?"

Harry looked down. Sev was holding them up with his free hand, but he still kept tripping on them.

"They look like they were made for an adult. Why's he wearing them?"

"That's the answer I'm afraid of hearing."

They paused at the gargoyle to give the password (M&Ms) and Harry lifted Sev up in his arms so the kid's clothes wouldn't get caught in the spiral staircase. Hermione knocked at the door of the office.

There was a sharp squeal, a scuffle and the sound of something metal dropping, and silence. Hermione hesitated before pushing the door open.

The office looked a mess. The paperwork had been knocked off the desk in a mess over the floor and Fawkes had vanished, but the worst part was Dumbledore's collection of whirring contraptions. One was in pieces on the floor, and the others had been taken down and meddled with. It looked like someone had tried to work out how they worked and play at putting them together.

"What happened here?" Harry asked out loud, aghast. It looked almost as bad as it had when he'd thrown his tantrum after his fifth year. He still felt ashamed when he thought about that.

"Harry," Hermione muttered.

"What?"

She pointed into a corner. Some of Dumbledore's papers had been taken, along with a bottle of ink. From the look of things, someone had been finger-painting with them. Drawing closer, Harry could make out a smiley face and an attempt at the alphabet.

"A child?" he murmured. He looked round at Sev, but he was staring round at the office with apparent fear on his face. Harry couldn't blame him: the mess was overwhelming, especially compared to its usual tidy state.

Hermione tiptoed soundlessly to the desk and pulled aside the chair.

"_It wasn't me!_"

All three started at the immediate reaction. Crouched on the floor was another child, about three or four years older than Sev. This one had a mass of red hair and ink all over his hands and face, and was dressed in huge dark blue pyjamas.

"Another one?" Harry gasped. This was getting weird.

Hermione stared back from Sev to the boy behind the desk, who was trembling as if expecting to be told off, with a thoughtful expression on her face. Finally she said, "What's your name?"

"A-Albus," he mumbled. "I didn't do it!"

"Of course you didn't." Hermione held out her hand and he took it gingerly, letting her guide him round to the others.

"Albus?" Harry asked in disbelief. "That's a coincidence."

Hermione gave him the look she usually reserved for when he was being exceptionally thick.

"What?"

"Honestly, Harry, use your brain."

Harry considered. "Oh."

"Get it now?"

"Well … he could be his grandson or something."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "You take Albus, I'll take Sev."

"Where are we going?"

"I think we should pay Professor McGonagall a visit."

* * *

"Shouldn't we knock?" Harry began, but stopped abruptly at the sight in the office. 

A girl of about four was sitting up at Professor McGonagall's desk, reading a book. Her legs, too short for the chair, were swinging in mid-air, Professor McGonagall's own glasses on her nose, long black hair hanging loose. Like the others, she too was dressed in clothes too big for her – in this case, a white nightie and emerald-green dressing-gown.

"This," Harry said out loud, "is getting seriously weird."

Hermione burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?"

"Well – it's not funny really – but Harry, don't you get what's happened?"

"I'm beginning to," he replied, dread beginning to sink in.

"Who are you?" the girl spoke up.

"Who are you?" Albus replied before Harry or Hermione could speak. The girl gave him a funny look.

"I'm Minerva McGonagall. Who are _you?_"

**TBC …**

A/N: I know, very short, but will get longer. I laughed for hours when I thought up this idea. Please review, I live off them!


	2. The Roundup

Summary: Welcome to Hogwarts' own Day Care Centre. Please take a seat, and I'll be with you as soon as I've stopped Severus and Albus throwing blocks. Poppy, sand isn't a food, and Minerva, nor is paint. No, I don't think Sybill likes the taste either …

Rating: PG but may go up

Warnings: Mild language, but other than that I don't know yet

Disclaimer: Anyone who thinks it belongs to me must be mental. It doesn't!!!!

Author's Notes: Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! Harry is Head Boy and Hermione is Head Girl. Ron is still a prefect. Just so that clears that up. I know Harry wasn't made a prefect in OotP, but James wasn't a prefect either and we know he was Head Boy. So there.

* * *

**Kiddie Kare for Hogwarts Teachers**

**Chapter Two: The Roundup**

By Alexannah

"Keep _still_," Harry grunted. Albus continued to squirm, trying to make a desperate break for freedom, but Harry had him pinned between his legs.

"It'll only take a minute. You'll hurt yourself if you keep moving." Harry finally managed to get at his face with the cloth. "There, all done."

Albus stuck his tongue out at him sulkily as Harry released him, making a face as it made contact with the inky cloth.

Hermione watched in amusement. Harry had said a minute ago that all three of the ex-teachers creeped him out, but as Albus creeped him out the least, he had volunteered to clean his hands and face. It had taken nearly ten minutes just to get one hand clean. Hermione had to admit seeing Snape's eyes in the toddler's face was rather unnerving.

"Need help, Harry?"

"Not now I'm finished, thanks, Hermione," Harry glared at her, looking down at Severus and Minerva, who were sitting peacefully by her feet with Minerva's book open between them. She seemed to be explaining it to Severus, who obviously didn't have a clue what any of it meant, but was looking at it with her anyway.

"So, what's the plan of action?"

"Well," Hermione said thoughtfully, "we need to round up the rest of the staff – I mean, kids – before one of them gets into trouble."

Harry groaned. "Great, just what I need: my own nursery in my bedroom. Why couldn't the mushrooms just have turned their faces blue or something?"

"Oh Harry, use your brain. Someone obviously did this deliberately; there must be a reason why whoever sent the mushrooms wanted all the teachers as children."

"Except Professor Lupin. He didn't eat them."

"No, thank goodness, but that doesn't help us now; he's away for his break, remember?"

Harry slumped on the floor, burying his face in his hands. "So, with all the teachers like this, who's in charge?"

Hermione snorted. "Well, us, obviously. We're Head Boy and Girl."

"This wasn't quite what I had in mind when Professor McGonagall offered me the badge," Harry murmured. Hermione slapped him. "Ouch!"

"Will you stop thinking of yourself for just one minute, Harry Potter? You do realise we've got …" She began counting on her fingers. "… about ten other little children loose in a magical castle? We've got to find them before something happens!"

"Okay! But we can't take these three with us."

Both teens looked over at the kids. Albus was sitting cross-legged next to Minerva, reading eagerly over her shoulder.

"We'll have to leave them here," Hermione sighed.

"In my rooms? No thanks. And they've nearly finished that book. What happens when they get bored?"

Hermione strode over to Harry's belongings and, after hunting for a minute, pulled out a Remembrall and Harry's old Sneakascope. "These should keep them occupied for a while." She placed a quick Unbreakable Charm on them and placed them on the floor beside the kids, none of whom looked up. "Come on then."

"Hold on." Harry crouched down next to the children, who looked up at them. "How old are you three?"

"Six," said Albus.

"I'm four."

Severus was silent for a moment before saying quietly, "Two."

Harry raised his eyebrows and looked over at Hermione. "Noticing a pattern?"

She shook her head. "Dumbledore's about four or five times Snape's age. The order's the same but it's not in proportion. We should remember that."

Harry nodded, still trying to follow the maths, and turned back to the kids. "Albus, you're the oldest, so you're in charge for a bit, okay?" Albus nodded obediently.

"Do you think that was necessary?" Hermione asked as they left them in the Head Boy's Room, shutting the portrait behind them.

"I thought it better to be safe than sorry. Okay, if you start in the North, starting with Trelawney – Oh Merlin, I dread to think what she's going to be like – and I'll get Ron and start the other end of the castle, he can cover the grounds and Hagrid's hut. I'll meet you back here once we've covered the lot."

Hermione nodded, turned and hurried off to the North Tower. Harry began in the direction of the Gryffindor common room.

* * *

"You've _got_ to be joking."

Harry shook his head seriously. "All the staff members have been turned into kids and we've got to round them all up before something happens that doesn't bear thinking about."

Ron just stared with an open mouth.

"I'd rather you helped me find them rather than sitting there catching flies, Ron."

Ron blinked and closed his mouth quickly. "But where are we going to start?"

Harry waved a piece of parchment in his face that he'd been writing on. "I've made a list of all the teachers, and where their classrooms and offices are. Hermione's got the North part of the castle covered, which narrows it down -"

"Harry."

"What?"

"You said all the teachers were ill, right? Doesn't that mean they'll all probably be in their rooms?"

There was a long pause before Harry said, "Ah."

"You must have got lucky with those three."

"Yeah, I suppose so. Um … I think we'd better start in Dumbledore's office."

"Why?"

"He's bound to have a record of where all the staff live. Let's just hope he didn't use it for paper aeroplanes or something … I wouldn't put it past the kid."

* * *

Hermione climbed awkwardly off the silver ladder into the deserted Divination classroom. "Professor? … Er … Sybill?"

The last time she had been in this room she had been in third year. She was a seventh year now and Head Girl, Hermione reminded herself as she inched nervously towards the shadows Professor Trelawney always entered from.

Pulling a pair of heavy dark curtains open, she saw a door. Pressing her ear to it, she could hear nothing. Hermione tried the handle but it was locked.

After a moment of thought, Hermione knocked clearly. "Sybill?"

There was the sound of running feet from the other side and something heavy slammed into the door. Something that was crying.

"Can you open the door?" Hermione said. When the person the other side simply continued to cry, she continued, "It's okay, I'm a friend. I've come to help you."

A shaky girl's voice answered. "I w-want t-to g-go h-h-home!"

"You can't, not yet," Hermione said soothingly. "But I can look after you till you do. Can you open the door, Sybill? It_ is_ Sybill, isn't it?"

A sniff answered her and after a moment there was the sound of a key turning in the lock. Hermione stepped back as it opened, revealing a girl of about five with shortish dark hair and huge glasses.

"I'm Sybill," she whispered quietly. She hesitated. "Where am I?"

Hermione held out her hand. "You're at Hogwarts school."

"Hogwarts?" Sybill frowned for a moment, then suddenly smiled, all misery forgotten. "Hogwarts!"

"That's right," Hermione assured her, leading her across the classroom. Sybill was glancing this way and that, but didn't seem interested enough to go and examine her surroundings properly. "My friend and I are going to look after you till we can get you home, okay?"

"Okay!" Sybill said brightly. Hermione smiled at the change of attitude and quietly thanked Merlin that the girl wasn't as difficult as Hermione found her as an adult.

* * *

Ron stopped in his tracks outside Hagrid's hut. "Oh, _no_."

The door looked as if it had been opened so forcefully that it had come off its hinges. Either the person who had opened it was deliberately trying to break it, or simply didn't know their own strength. And it had been opened from the inside …

Ron rushed into the hut. Fang was curled up peacefully on the massive bed. The rest of the hut looked undisturbed. He groaned and left it again, not bothering to try and shut the door. Looking out over the grounds, Ron couldn't see anyone. When the Ministry had been forced to accept Voldemort was truly back and announced it publicly, most students were reluctant to leave the safety of the castle. Closely protected Hogsmeade visits and the Quidditch were the only escape. Ron groaned again – they'd have to cancel the Hogsmeade trip coming up. It would have been the first one of the term – the third-years were not going to be happy.

But at the moment, he had bigger problems.

"Okay, I'm Hagrid," Ron muttered out loud. "I've just found myself in a strange place and I don't know where I am and no-one else is here. Where do I go?" His eyes scoured the grounds, pausing at the Forbidden Forest, and his heart sank. "Oh, no. Not in there."

* * *

When Harry had been a small child, he had always been afraid of anything different. Whenever he was afraid of something, he either ran or hid. He knew if he'd suddenly found himself in a strange place with no memory of getting there, he'd find a cosy place to curl up in till someone found him and took him where he was supposed to be. Which was why Neville found him crawling around under the Hospital Wing beds.

"Lost something, Harry?"

"Ouch!" Harry banged his head on the metal frame as Neville announced his presence. "Yeah, I have, as a matter of fact."

"Anything I can help with?"

"How good are you with kids?"

Neville frowned as Harry crawled out from the end bed and dusted himself down. "Well, I don't know about that. Why?"

"Look Neville, have you seen anyone under the age of eleven in the castle in the last day?"

"I thought I saw a little girl run through there when I passed here earlier." Neville pointed to the door at the end that led into Madam Pomfrey's office. "But I was probably imagining it."

Harry looked at the door. He'd already tried it and it wouldn't open. It still wouldn't open when he tried it again, even with Alohomora. The handle turned but the door wouldn't open, yet there wasn't a keyhole.

"I did say I probably imagined it," Neville repeated.

Harry ignored him and rapped hard on the door. "Is anyone in there?"

No answer. Listening hard at the gap, Harry could hear someone breathing. He knocked again, more gently. "Who's in there? It's okay, I won't hurt you."

"There's no-one in!" cried a girl's voice, then a gasp.

"Bingo." Harry grinned up at Neville, who was staring in surprise at the door. "Can you open the door, Poppy?"

Neville looked more surprised and the voice inside gasped again. "How did you know – I mean, I'm not Poppy!"

"Really? Who are you, then?"

There was silence for a moment, then someone walked up to the door. "Who are you?"

"I'm Harry."

"I don't know a Harry."

"You do now. You're at Hogwarts School, and I'm going to look after you till we can get you home, okay, Poppy?"

"No," the voice said sulkily. "I want to go home now."

"You can't, I'm afraid."

"_I want to go home!_" she cried, starting a tantrum. Harry sighed.

"Who's she?" Neville whispered.

"Madam Pomfrey as a kid, apparently," Harry whispered back over the yells.

"What do you mean?"

"Keep this to yourself okay Neville, but the staff have been turned into kids. It was something served to them at dinner last night."

"What? All of them?"

"Apart from Professor Lupin, cos he didn't eat it, but yeah, everyone else. Snape included."

Neville gulped. "How old are they?"

"It's varying. Snape's two, McGonagall's four, and Dumbledore's six. He's a nightmare: he'd wrecked his own office by the time we'd found him. I tried to go through his stuff to see if I could find out where all the teachers live in the castle, but he'd finger-painted half of it and eaten the other half. So we're using our initiative to round them up. Poppy, please come out," Harry directed to the closed door. She'd stopped screaming now and was just silent.

"No."

"Why won't you come out?"

"I don't want to see _him!_"

"Who?" Harry asked, puzzled.

"_Him!_ The big boy!"

"How big?"

"Big! And scary!"

At this point, right on cue, Ron came running into the Hospital Wing. "Any luck?"

Harry gave him a "Don't ask" sort of look. "What about you?"

"I think Hagrid's gone into the Forest!"

**TBC …**

A/N: Please review! I live off them! Especially when they say **what** you like rather than just the fact that you liked it! Please don't flame!  
I've started building my own forum. If you're interested in moderating a board, let me know. At the moment I'm on my own.


	3. The Hunt

_**Summary:** Welcome to Hogwarts' own Day Care Centre. Please take a seat, and I'll be with you as soon as I've stopped Severus and Albus throwing blocks. Poppy, sand isn't a food, and Minerva, nor is paint. No, I don't think Sybill likes the taste either … _

**Rating:** T

**Warnings:** Mentions of Child Abuse/Neglect

**Disclaimer:** I had to make up a couple of first names but other than that everything belongs to JKR. Except the plot, of course.

**Author's Notes:** I've upped the rating due to a plot addition. See warnings.

* * *

**Chapter Three: The Hunt **

"I don't know why you didn't think of it before," Ron said, holding the wand nearer the map. "Wrong way again."

"It's not like I'm used to chasing four-year-olds around Hogwarts," Harry argued as they turned back. "And it didn't occur to Hermione either, so you can stop your smirking."

The boys fell silent as they began down a different path, their eyes half glued to the ground and half glued to the Marauder's map. The ink dot labelled "Rubeus Hagrid" was still moving, which at least proved he hadn't been eaten by an acromantula, but he kept wandering in different directions, causing Harry and Ron to change course often. It was November and early evening. Ron was shivering in his cloak and Harry's wand was held out in front of him so they could see a little.

"Next time," Ron said through chattering teeth, "Hermione can come and find Hagrid and I'll stay behind with the kids. I think I'd rather take on ten hyper six-year-old Albus Dumbledores than come here again at this time."

"Ron, shut up."

-----

Hermione sighed heavily as she helped Peggy to her feet. As the Forbidden Forest had neither paintings nor ghosts Ron and Harry had claimed greater need of the Marauders' map. Hermione had asked Nearly Headless Nick and the Fat Lady to spread the word that there were children on the loose and help her find them all. She regretted it when she spent the next hour running here and there all over the place on their orders, only to find the child in question had moved, or to lose another one who accidentally got left behind. But three had been crossed off her list and she was just about to cross another off.

She hadn't checked on the original three since she and Harry had left them to their own devices earlier and dreaded to see what they might be doing, but there was no way she could catch the rest of the staff dragging Peggy, Filius, Stella _and_ Poppy with her.

"I want you four to stay in here for a bit," she told them as she opened the door to Harry's rooms. "My friends and I will be back in a while and then we'll be able to sort out what – _Albus Dumbledore!_"

The redhead, who had been bouncing energetically on the bed, froze guiltily, and toppled off the bed onto the floor. Hermione hurried over to make sure he wasn't hurt and found a very annoyed-looking Minerva crouching over him, peering closely at his head.

"You're hurt," she said, pointing at it.

"I know," Albus whimpered. "I think I'm going to die."

"You're not going to die you silly boy, you've just got a bruise," Hermione said, sitting down and feeling it. "Don't you ever do something so silly again."

To her slight surprise he pulled away from her touch and pulled his legs up to his chest."I won't," he mumbled.

"Bet you will," Minerva said.

"That's enough," Hermione said firmly.

Albus stuck his tongue out at Minerva and she did it back. Hermione pretended not to notice.

"Where's Severus?"

A small whimper escaped from under the bed. Hermione poked her head under and saw a pair of eyes gleaming in the dark.

"Sev, what's the matter?"

He mumbled something unintelligible. Hermione noticed Albus and Minerva had guilty looks on their faces and frowned. "Come out here, Sev. I won't hurt you."

The small boy crawled out. He had one of Harry's dirty socks (Hermione grimaced) clutched in his hand. It looked like he'd been crying into it. Hermione sat him on her lap and gently pried it from him.

"Now, what's the matter, Sev?"

Severus buried his head in her shoulder. After a moment he said, "A'bus wouldn' let me pway wiv M'erva."

Hermione raised her eyebrows at Albus who looked down at his hands. "Albus, wouldn't you?"

"I wanted to play with her," he muttered.

"Why can't all three of you play together?"

Albus said nothing, just pouted. Hermione put a gentle arm around him and it took a few seconds before he accepted the hug and turned and buried his head in Hermione's other shoulder. She rocked the two boys and said, "Come on you two, I think you and Minerva can work something out so it's fair to everyone, don't you?"

Severus smiled but Albus didn't move.

"Albus?"

"'Kay," he muttered.

"Minerva?"

She nodded.

"There we go, then. Now, I've got a few more people here who want to say hello, maybe you could all play together?" Hermione suggested.

Minerva stood on tiptoe to see over Hermione's shoulder and the boys looked up interestedly at the other four kids, who'd been standing still in the doorway all this time. Hermione was relieved none of them had wandered off.

"Come here, you four. They don't bite," she smiled. "Poppy, could you shut the door please?"

Poppy pushed the door shut and Stella inched nearer curiously. Hermione carefully slid Severus and Albus off her lap, and they barely noticed. She pulled out her wand and did a few discreet spells to keep Harry's belongings out of the way of little fingers. Looking at her watch, she saw it was nearly seven o'clock. Severus should be going to bed soon. He seemed okay at the moment now he'd stopped crying. She decided to give it half an hour and try to round up the rest in the meantime.

-----

"Oh, thank goodness! We were beginning to think the three of you had got eaten."

"That's not funny, Hermione," Ron grunted. "We nearly strangled the kid trying to get him away from Aragog. Next time you can go."

"Well, we're here now," Harry said bracingly, trying to lighten the atmosphere and stop an argument. "How've things been with you?"

"Neville and I have got everyone except Hooch and Sprout – they're still missing."

Harry sighed. "Where are the ones you have rounded up?"

Hermione smiled. "Come and see."

Ron dumped the unconscious young Hagrid on the floor. "No way. I can't go a step further. Can someone else take him now?"

"Ron, you are a _wizard_," Hermione growled at him. "Use your head."

"Your wand would be useful too," Harry said, trying to smother a grin. Ron scowled at both of them, and Hermione ignored him.

"Come on, Harry. And you, Ron, if you're coming." She opened the door to the Head Boy's room.

There was a pause as they all took in the sight. "Aren't they sweet?" Hermione whispered.

In a neat row in Harry's bed lay Albus, Severus and three other boys of similar ages, all fast asleep. Albus was sucking his thumb and the smallest one had fallen asleep in his glasses. All were still dressed in the oversized nightwear.

"Yes, Hermione, very sweet," Harry agreed. "Now, where am I going to sleep tonight?"

"What's wrong with your old dormitory?" Hermione hissed at him. "And besides, _you've_ got nothing to complain about. _I_ had to put them all to bed, and I've got _six_ in my own, and I'll have two more when we find them."

"We can use the map for that," Ron said, levitating Hagrid onto the end of Harry's bed. "Where's Neville?"

"I think he and Luna are searching the greenhouses."

"When did Luna get involved?"

"Don't ask me; I just saw them leaving the castle before it started to get dark. I hope they find the others soon, we can't leave them on their own all night."

"I know," Hermione agreed, chewing her thumbnail in agitation. "I wish Albus didn't find paper so appetising."

"We'd better keep the map away from him," Harry chuckled.

Ron started to speak again but one of the unidentified boys started stirring, and Hermione put a hand over his mouth. "Not here," she whispered, and the three of them left Harry's room as quietly as possible.

"Okay, we need a _proper_ Plan of Action," Hermione said decisively. "One of us has to use the Map to find the missing girls."

"I nominate Ron," Harry said quickly. Ron glared at him.

"Hey, that's not fair!"

"Okay, Ron rounds up the others," Hermione agreed. "Harry, you will baby-sit the ones we have."

"_What?_ You've got to be joking!"

"Nope. Someone has to watch them."

"But they're asleep!"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "And you expect a bunch of four-year-olds who have just found themselves in a strange place with strange people and are probably scared out of their lives to sleep soundly through the night, do you?"

Silence.

"Harry?"

"Why can't you do it? You're better with kids than me. What are you going to be doing?"

"Working."

"_Hermione!_ How can you think of studying _now???_"

"Not _studying_, you idiot," she snapped. "I need to write to Professor Lupin to get him to come back as soon as possible, and draw up a rota, and start trying to work out some sort of antidote for this."

"What sort of rota?" Ron asked curiously.

"Baby-sitting, obviously. Until Professor Lupin comes back, Harry and I are in charge, and we can't look after the kids all the time. We'll need volunteers but for now I just need to work out how many."

"Where are we going to keep them?" Harry asked. "We can't keep them shut up in our rooms for however long this takes; they'll go crazy. And we'll need supplies: clothes and toys and stuff."

"We'll have to find somewhere to turn into a nursery. The Room of Requirement if we can't get any better. And tomorrow one of us can make a trip into Hogsmeade."

"_Harry!_"

The Trio turned, quickly shushing Neville as he ran up behind them.

"Oops – sorry," he said sheepishly. "Here, Luna and I found Rolanda."

"Rolanda?" Harry queried, looking down at a small girl standing behind Neville, looking in interest round the corridor.

"Hooch," he murmured quietly back.

"Neville, you are wonderful," Hermione said, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek and causing him to go pink. She knelt down in front of Rolanda Hooch and held out her hand.

"Rolanda?" she said quietly. "I'm Hermione."

"Hello," Rolanda grinned, bouncing on her toes. Harry stifled a groan. Not another hyperactive one. At least Hermione would probably be dealing with her.

"Right, you three need to find Professor Sprout," Hermione instructed as she led Rolanda into her rooms. "Meet me back here when you've found her."

Harry sighed and pulled out the map. "Anyone know Sprout's first name?" he asked rhetorically, scanning the parchment.

"Pomona," Neville answered at once. Ron and Harry looked at him and he blushed again. "I, um, heard Professor McGonagall call her that once."

"Found her!" Harry said triumphantly, spotting the dot labelled _Pomona Sprout_. "Come on, quick!"

**TBC …**

**

* * *

AN:** Sorry it took a while, I had to re-write a couple of bits as inspiration struck me. I've upped the rating in case you didn't notice.  
Sorry if Harry seems a bit OoC … explanation coming soon.  
**Next chapter:** The final de-aged teacher is rounded up. (Finally!) Bit more info on the other kids. More hyper!Albus. Harry and Hermione are slightly less at each other's throats. The boys take baths and throw tantrums. And the DA get involved.

* * *

**Review Responses**

_I spent more time on these than I did on the actual chapter. You all had better appreciate them. _

**SnowySleigh:** I'm not sure about Flitwick, we'll have to see. (_chuckles_)

**Minerva Rose:** OK, sorry I haven't sent you anything yet, but my muse suddenly decided it wanted to work on different fics and as such I haven't finished editing Chapter 1 of EaGL to send … I promise I will ASAP but I've got exams coming up so I don't know how much time it'll take.

**Sir Frances Drake's Heir:** Shiny? No-one's ever called my work shiny before … I'll take it as a compliment. (_blushes_) The best thing in all creation? I wouldn't go that far … However, I am too modest for my own good. Little Sev and Alby … they're my favourites too. Albus is so much fun to write, especially the office-demolishing. Hehe.

**cutecess:** Not even Voldie is born evil, no. I'm one of the masses who thinks Snape had an appalling childhood and writes him like that. So there will be a bit more angst than I intended, but hopefully not too much ;)

**Obsidian-Dragon-Phoenix:** Haha, Albus is brilliant! There's a bit more to little!Dumbledore than meets the eye, though, so look out for that (_grins_)

**Wulfric G:** I could just IM you, but it's Monday tomorrow, and besides I like to do review responses even if we've communicated a dozen times since you left the review. (_laughs_) Yeah, I think only I could pull this one off … I wanted to do a de-aging fic but couldn't decide who to de-age, so in the end thought "What the heck" and jumped in at the deep end with all the teachers. I do a lot of jumping in at the deep end, don't I?

**Tanydwr:** Turning them back gradually would definitely be interesting. Imagine if Albus was just as bad in teenage years. (_chuckles_) But I have an idea for where a couple of them might be when they turn back suddenly … so who knows? And the AN about the crossover is very slightly out of date now – I have more than one HP/DW idea … Both are Tenth Doctor (he's "my" Doctor) and Rose. The original one is AU to GoF when the TARDIS turns up in Dumbledore's bathroom at 3AM (yes, you read that right) and the Doctor and Rose end up staying to watch the Tournament. The second is another AU (big surprise) right from when Harry's left at Privet Drive – Guess who finds him on the doorstep? (I had to fiddle the dates for that one so Harry's born in DW's "present".)

**Sailor Ranger:** I think Harry and Albus are a lot more alike than people think. No-one knows much about Albus really, do they? I like to fill in that gap. We'll be learning about quite a few of the teachers' backgrounds here. (Between you and me, I've only fully planned a couple, for the rest I'm sort of winging it at the moment … but I get ideas easily, so it shouldn't pose a problem.)

Thanks also to **OSUSprinks**, **annependragon**, **Golden Pantha**, **Flaying Fox Fire**, **thealphamale**, **Cursive Obsession**, **TenTenPiemaster**, **Marauder Madness** and **doc** for reviewing!

_**Note about reviewing:** Please do not review simply to tell me to update. I update when I can and that is the end to it. I have RL commitments and I'm only human – you can't expect my muse to always co-operate. Plus I have about a zillion other fics to work on. So if you review, make it worth the review alert please. And any flamers will regret the day they discovered fanfiction. Thank you for reading. _

**Um … anyone know what happened to the review responses at the end of the last chapter? Did I post them or not? They seem to have vanished …**


	4. The Plan

**Disclaimer:** Anyone idiotic enough to think it's mine should never take up babysitting. And anyone who tries to set a lawyer on me will get Albus on a sugar high set on them. So.

* * *

**Chapter Four: The Plan**

_Dear Professor Lupin,_

Hermione paused, wondering how to phrase the letter. If the wrong person found out that all the teachers – including Albus Dumbledore – were vulnerable children, it could be disastrous. She couldn't tell Lupin what had happened in case the letter was intercepted. But how could she convey the urgency of the situation without attracting unwanted attention?

_Professor Dumbledore has been called away on urgent business and we need a Defence teacher around. Could you come back to school as soon as possible please? He says sorry for cutting your break short but is sure the two of you can make arrangements when he returns._

Professor M McGonagall

Hoping that Remus would either not realise her writing was not Professor McGonagall's, or recognise it as hers, Hermione sealed the envelope and was about to depart for the Owlery when a flash of gold and scarlet announced Fawkes' presence.

"You want to take this to Remus?" she asked the phoenix, surprised. As he continued to flutter in front of her, she assumed it was a yes and began to fix the letter to his foot.

"Wow," breathed a voice from the doorway. "What's that?"

Hermione turned to see Albus in the doorway, staring in wonder.

"Albus, have you just woken up?" she asked quietly. As she spoke, Fawkes, trailing the letter, took flight briefly before setting on Albus' arm. Albus winced as his talons gripped him, but relaxed a moment later and hesitantly put out a hand to stroke him. Hermione kneeled down to join in; Albus tensed up as she reached out her arm and Fawkes took flight again, this time out of the window.

"Want Papa," Albus muttered.

"I'm sorry, little one," Hermione murmured. "You'll be back with your Papa soon, but right now you need to go back to bed. It's very late." She tried to take his hand but he pulled it away. Surprised, she gave up on that idea and instead motioned for him to follow her. After hesitating, he followed her through into Harry's room. Her own room was the other side of the joint lounge, and she left all the doors open so she could hear the girls as well.

Hermione saw what had happened. Hagrid, who when she'd left them had been curled up under a thick blanket on the end of the bed, had woken and crawled into bed with the other boys, pushing out Albus and Alastor, the latter of whom was now exploring Harry's (fortunately empty) trunk with interest.

She hesitated before retrieving Alastor from the trunk and transfiguring it into a bed big enough for both of them. Alastor climbed back in without a fuss, but when she tried to get Albus to get in he let out a scream.

The other boys all jerked awake, Severus and Argus beginning to cry. Torn, Hermione transfigured two of Harry's stray socks into dummies and gave them to them before trying to calm down Albus, ignoring the fact that the other boys were now climbing out of bed and Argus and Filius were fighting over the covers.

It took half an hour of transfiguring all of Harry's possessions into cots, stuffed animals and blankets, and keeping an eye on the door to make sure none of the boys unlocked it with magic and escaped, she finally managed to coax them all into bed. Albus, strangely, was tired enough to let her put him to bed but refused to go into the one that had been Harry's trunk. In the end, Hagrid went in there, Severus and Argus were in cots and the others were in Harry's.

Hermione had tried to keep the display of magic behind their backs, not knowing which children were Muggleborn. Perhaps she ought to try and find out. Albus hadn't eaten _all_ of his papers, there might be something locked safely away somewhere. It might also be a good idea to look up the teachers' medical records to check for allergies and so on. That was something else added to the list of things to do.

Collapsed on the floor while the boys snored (thankfully none of the girls had woken up yet), Hermione was pulled out of her thoughts by the arrival of Hedwig. Hurrying over to her before she woke the kids, Hermione pulled off the hastily scribbled note.

_Hermione – Found Sprout. Venomous Tent. got her – not too badly hurt, just a few scratches, taking her to St Mungos in case. Hope the others are behaving, see you later_

- Ron

She groaned. It had been too much to hope that all the children would be found safely. But, she admitted, they hadn't done a bad job under the circumstances. Hogwarts was a death trap for little children, and so far only one had been hurt.

Hermione rubbed her eyes, picked up a quill and began a list on the back of the note.

_1: Buy supplies:  
- Toys  
- Nappies etc  
- Clothes_

2: Timetable – get DA members to babysit

3: Rooms:  
- Playroom  
- Girls' bedroom  
- Boys' bedroom

4: Look up med and birth records

5: Talk to school – cancel classes? Or find alternate teachers?

6: Question house-elves again

7: Get books on parenting out the library!

Running back through the list, Hermione wondered if she'd forgotten anything. She edited several, crossing out number seven and putting it before number five. In the morning she would move the children to the Room of Requirement. Before she could make any other plans, she heard the sounds of a child stirring in the girls' room and hurried in before any of the others woke.

* * *

"Hermione? Hermione, wake up."

One eye opened sleepily. "Mm?"

Harry held out a hand and pulled her to her feet. "How're the little ones?"

"Uh …" Hermione yawned. "Asleep last check. How's Professor Sprout?"

"She had a few scratches and a broken finger, nothing too serious. The Healers fixed her up nicely. I had to pretend she was a relative of my aunt's and I was looking after her for a few days. I'm not sure they believed me but no Aurors accosted me accusing me of kidnapping innocent little girls, so no harm done."

"Oh … good." Hermione yawned again. "What's the time?"

"Just gone eight. I think the kids have started to wake up."

"Great." Hermione rubbed her eyes and pulled a crumpled piece of parchment out of her pocket. "Right. Everyone'll be at breakfast now, so I can go and tell them classes are cancelled. Then, we take the kids to the Room of Requirement and leave Neville or someone to baby-sit …"

"While we do _what_, exactly?" Harry asked warily.

"Go shopping for supplies. And …" She checked her list. "Look up their medical records, see if there's anything we should know about. They should be with the students' in the Hospital Wing. Let's hope Poppy doesn't like paper as much as Albus."

"Er … are you sure that's a good idea, Hermione?" Harry squirmed. "I mean, imagine how embarrassed the teachers are going to be once they're turned back – they'll be utterly humiliated if they find out we read how one of them had a bed-wetting problem in their teens or something …"

"It's preferable to one of them having an allergic reaction to something we feed them and dying," Hermione said firmly. "And where did that come from?"

Harry went bright red and coughed. "Um, it was just the first thing that came into my head."

Hermione gave him a strange look, and returned to her list. A sudden thought struck her. "We don't have anyone working in the Hospital Wing anymore. I know Professor McGonagall used to help Madam Pomfrey out when it got busy, but we don't have either around now. Find out who's best at Healing and put them in charge. We can't escort everyone to St Mungo's."

"Right. I'll ask Susan Bones, she's top of the class."

"Good." Hermione yawned again. Harry looked at her worriedly. "Hermione, are you okay? You look exhausted."

"It's been a long night," she murmured. "Long week actually … I should go and address the school now."

"I'll come with you, then go and get some supplies. Erm … what exactly _do_ we need?"

Hermione handed him a second list. "Nappies for the younger ones, toys, clothes … everything I could think of's on that list. I think you ought to go to a Muggle store to get it, which means changing a lot of money at Gringott's; but you won't be able to do that without attracting a lot of attention, so …"

"I can ask Dobby for a favour," Harry suggested.

"Right, good idea." Hermione ran a hand through her hair. "Okay, while you're shopping I'll talk to the D.A. I thought we should share the responsibility of looking after ten kids with them rather than anyone else, because -"

"We can trust them," Harry finished. "Great, because I for one don't fancy looking after this bunch of terrors with just you, me and Ron."

"But it's got to be kept between us." Hermione's voice turned more serious. "If the wrong person finds out about this …"

"So, what are we telling the school?"

"That the teachers are ill – let's say food poisoning, it's close enough to the truth."

* * *

"They're _all_ kids?" Dean said, wide-eyed.

Hermione nodded. "And, like I said, they need looking after. In the current absence of any teachers – well, any adult teachers – that responsibility falls to us."

"Why us, why not the prefects?" Susan asked. "I mean, I'm both, so it doesn't personally affect me, I'm just curious."

"Because Professor Dumbledore is six years old and can't even pronounce any defensive spells, let alone perform them, and there are a lot of wizards out there who would love to take advantage of that – some of them with links to the school. As much as I hate to say it, we don't know several of the prefects and don't know if they can be trusted with him. One of them is Draco Malfoy, after all."

Ginny paled. "I never thought of that." The atmosphere in the Room of Requirement was uneasy as the other members took a moment of silence to reflect on the situation.

Hermione broke it after a few minutes. "I've drawn up a rota, for us to take turns at being responsible for them, two at a time. At the moment there aren't any classes at all, so the shifts are half a day long each, if no-one has any objections." She paused, but no-one did. "Dean, Luna, you're first today, okay? The rest of you can go, Harry and I have the shift after that."

The DA filed out of the Room of Requirement, and Hermione led Dean and Luna through a door the other side of the room. The Room of Requirement had turned itself into a child-friendly suite, including a large nursery, two bedrooms filled with child-sized beds and cots, and bathroom, and frequently added and took away again extra rooms as the occupants needed. The small meeting-room that the DA had gathered in shrunk into a broom cupboard as Hermione closed the door behind her.

Dean's mouth fell open as he saw the nursery full of teachers. Hermione chuckled.

"Which one's which?" he asked.

Hermione pointed each one out, and Luna went and knelt down by the sandpit where Rolanda was trying to make a sandcastle, and showed her how to flatten the top of the bucket before turning it upside-down. On the other side of the room, Poppy was busy painting an unhappy Severus by dipping her hands in the paint and wiping them all over him. Dean spotted the situation and hurried over to sort it out. Hermione smiled as she observed the first babysitters at work – so far, so good.

* * *

"Remind me to never have kids," was the first thing out of Harry's mouth as he dropped what looked like the entire contents of a large department store on the nursery floor.

Hermione stared at him. "Harry, you can't mean that. I-I thought you liked children."

"I do. Sort of. Look at this." Harry held up a receipt that was longer than his torso. "You have no idea how expensive having children is. Whoever pulled this, prank or not, seriously owes me."

"Just show me what you bought."

Harry emptied the carrier bags, and had to shoo away Alastor who had come to see what was going on. Hermione placed him back in the sandpit and helped Harry move everything into the girls' room. Harry had bought stacks of children's clothes in various sizes, enough nappies to paper the walls with, and a menagerie of cuddly toys, as well as things like rash cream, wipes and bottles.

"You didn't buy any other kind of toy?" Hermione enquired.

"I got some dollies and soft blocks and stuff." Harry showed her inside the last bag. "But there wasn't much on offer than wasn't electronic."

"It should be enough. You go and give the kids their toys, I'll put the clothes and stuff away for them."

Most of the teachers immediately pounced on the toys once they had seen them. Harry found particularly amusing the way Poppy started wrapping several dolls and teddy bears up in "bandages", and making Hagrid play at nursing them with her. Severus cuddled up to a fluffy rabbit twice his size in one corner, and Stella buried all the blocks in the sandpit and started a game with Alastor to see who was the fastest uncovering them.

Harry watched them until Hermione came out of the bedrooms, looking exhausted.

"You okay?" he asked.

She nodded. "Yeah."

There was an awkward pause.

"Hermione …?" Harry said tentatively.

"Yes?"

"I know now's not a great time, but … maybe we could talk about last month? Soon, not right now."

Hermione closed her eyes. "Yes. Maybe. Later. I've got some things I need to figure out first."

"Okay. When you're ready to talk."

Sybil started trying to eat sand, and Harry rushed over and prised her fingers away from her mouth. "No, Sybil. Sand's not for eating."

A small hand tugged at his jeans, and he looked down to see Severus staring balefully up at him. "Hawwy, look what they're doing." He pointed to Albus and Minerva, who looked as though they were fighting. As he drew closer, however, Harry found that was not actually the case.

"We're playing kiss-chase!" Minerva told him cheerfully. "Albus keeps catching me."

"Really." Harry stifled a chuckle. "Just be careful, kids, we don't want anyone falling over or anything, right?"

"Look what I did!" Harry turned to see Pomona trying to show him a picture she had painted.

"Wow, that's great." Harry knelt down to see it properly. "What is it?"

"It's you and Her – Hu – her over there," Pomona answered, pointing at Hermione.

"Her name's Hermione, Pommie. And it's rude to point, okay? Don't do it again. But it's a lovely painting."

Two bright pink circles of colour signified his and Hermione's faces. Harry had two large black circles halfway down his and a large red lightning-bolt scar in between them, and the top of his head was covered in black spikes. Hermione's face was almost obscured with a mess of brown strokes. Pomona had several of these brown strokes on herself, but was grinning away happily at the praise.

"Is Humoniny your girlfriend?" she asked with a giggle.

For some reason Harry felt himself go red. "No," he said, hoping Hermione couldn't hear them. "She's just my friend."

"Albus is _my_ friend," piped up Minerva's voice from behind Harry. "Does Hermione kiss you, Harry?"

This time Hermione looked up from the sandpit, a small frown on her face. Harry felt himself go redder as he lied, "No." The girls looked disappointed as he changed the subject back to Pomona's painting, and hoped the kids would want to go to bed very soon.

**TBC …**


	5. The Bath

**AN:** Wow, I can't believe how long it's been since I last updated. Deepest apologies, I know this is a popular one.

My brain has been working at this recently, and I actually changed my mind over who the perpetrator is, so, um, if you think you spotted any clues before now, forget them. Also, this plot's become more angsty as I've developed it, although there will always be humour; I'll make sure to keep as much light-hearted as possible.

* * *

**Chapter Five: The Bath**  
"Well? Any leads?"

Hermione groaned. "Harry, this is the ninth time you've asked me. Have some patience, for goodness' sake."

"Sorry," he muttered. "I just want things to go back to normal as soon as possible."

"Well, you'd best prepare yourself," Hermione snapped, "because it may take some time."

Harry sighed. The teachers had been de-aged for a week. Some of the lessons were being taught by older students, the Hospital Wing was being manned by the grade-O Healing students, and the DA were babysitting, while Harry was organising it all. Hermione was trying to find a way to reverse the mushrooms' effect.

"Didn't the twins have any advice?"

Hermione blinked at him. "What?"

"Ron said you went to speak to them, can they help?"

"Oh. No, nothing useful on their part." Hermione muttered something indistinguishable and went back to her book. Harry glanced at the cover. _De-aging and Re-aging Effectively Without Side-effects_.

Perhaps it was best to leave Hermione to it.

"By the way, Harry," she said before he could leave the room, "you remember you're on bedtime duty for the boys tonight, right?"

"Bedtime duty?" That didn't sound so bad, Harry thought. They would all be tired, and wouldn't act up as much.

"Yes." Hermione closed her book. "Have you read any of my books yet?"

"You mean the parenting ones?"

"Yes."

"No."

She glared at him. "Well, you might find them useful. They key thing to remember is that kids need boundaries – got it?"

"Yes, got it."

* * *

"Good luck," Seamus said to Harry as he passed the boys over to him.

"What do you mean?"

"You'll need it. They all need baths – I did it Tuesday, I'll give you some tips."

"Please," Harry said, dread sinking in.

"First, you'd better do them two at a time, or it'll take forever. Second, once they're in the bathroom, lock the door so they can't run out again. Third, don't put bubble bath in with Hagrid, he drinks the water and it made him sick. Fourth, they seriously act up. Albus is the worst. I had to Stun him before I could get him in. Hermione went up the wall, though, so I wouldn't recommend using magic."

"Hold on, let me write this down!"

"It took me over an hour to get them all bathed," Seamus said, while Harry scribbled it all down. "Start early or they'll be falling asleep in the water."

* * *

Albus' eyes grew wide and he shook his head violently. "I don't want a bath!"

"No bath!" Argus cried.

Harry sighed. He had a feeling this was going to be hard.

"I'm not arguing. Severus, Albus, you two can go first."

Severus nodded but Albus said defiantly "No! I don't need a bath!"

"Yes you do."

"I'm not dirty!"

Harry put his hand in the blue paint and wiped it over Albus' face, neck and hair. "Now you are."

"I don't care! No bath!"

"Albus," Harry said firmly, "You're the oldest and you should be setting an example. If you don't get in that bath I will put you in it with your clothes still on, understand?"

The other boys snickered.

"_No bath!_"

Harry picked Albus up round the middle, ignoring the screams and little fists on his back and carried him into the bathroom, pausing only to tell Hagrid, Argus and Alastor to behave while he was gone and for Severus to follow him. Albus continued to tantrum all the way across the room. Harry dumped him unceremoniously on the bathroom floor and quickly shut the door to stop him escaping once the three of them were inside.

Albus was sulking now. "I don't want a bath."

"I heard you the first time." Harry thought if he wasn't amused he would be very annoyed at the boy's stubbornness.

"You can't make me have one."

"Oh yes I can."

"Can't."

"Albus, I'm older, bigger and stronger than you. I can."

A pink tongue waved at him cheekily. Harry turned his fingers into scissors and pretended to cut it off. Albus quickly clapped his hands over his mouth.

"Are you going to get in the bath, Albus?"

"No."

"Okay." Harry released him and turned away. Albus blinked in surprise, but Harry continued to ignore him, beginning to strip off Severus' clothing.

"I'm not getting in the bath," Albus stated unsurely.

"I know," Harry said, pulling Severus' T-shirt over his head.

Albus frowned, stood up and tried to open the door. Harry had locked it. He tugged on it with no effect.

"There, all done." Albus turned. Severus was now stark naked, shivering by the bathtub. Harry turned around. "Now it's your turn, Albus."

Harry grabbed Albus around the waist and pulled off his T-shirt in one motion. Albus yelled and struggled, pinned to the floor with Harry's legs. Harry grimaced as he beat the floor with his fists and pulled off Albus' jeans. Within a longer time than it took to undress Severus, Albus was clothing-free and shivering too. Harry lifted him firmly, ignoring Albus' squeals, and tried to deposit him in the bath. All he got for his efforts were large splashes of water in his face.

"Now listen Albus," Harry set him firmly on the floor, gripping his shoulders to prevent him escaping, "You are going to have a bath whether you like it or not, and if you continue to fight it one or both of us will just get hurt and I'm sure you don't want that. So for your sake and mine can you please stop fighting me and _do as you're told for once?_"

He expected Albus to blow a raspberry in his face or make another desperate bid for freedom, but what actually happened was worse. Albus' face crumpled and tears welled in his eyes. Harry, surprised, allowed Albus to break free, and the boy grabbed the bath towel and curled up in a corner with it.

"Albus?"

He pulled the towel over his head and said nothing.

"Albus?" Harry repeated.

"You're mean," a muffled voice replied.

"I'm not mean," Harry said, baffled at the reaction. He tried to gently tug the towel off his face but Albus wouldn't let it go.

"Yes you are, you big bully!"

Harry was shocked. Never before had he been called a bully, and especially not by a six-year-old child. He knew Albus was only saying it because he didn't want a bath but it still hurt. Harry had been properly bullied many times and never wanted to be associated with it.

"Albus," he said quietly, "I'm not a bully, I'm trying to help you."

Albus blew a raspberry. Severus laughed nervously, drawing Harry's attention back to him.

"Look at Severus, Albus, he's all ready like a good boy and you're stopping him from getting in. Look, he's cold. And the bath will be cold too if you fight any more." Harry waited, but he got no response. Sighing, he decided the best thing to do was ignore Albus for now and get Severus done.

"Sorry, kid," he muttered to Severus, picking him up. "I didn't mean to keep you waiting. Here you – Hey!"

The moment Severus' toes made contact with the water he began to scream, struggling so hard Harry nearly dropped him in the water. Harry quickly set him back on the floor.

Severus continued to scream, clutching Harry hard, shaking and not with cold; with apparent fear of the water. Harry groaned.

Albus' face emerged from the towel. "Bully!" he yelled at Harry.

Harry looked back and forth between the two boys. He wanted nothing more than to give up, put them in their pyjamas and give them something strong to knock them both out – belladonna sounded tempting – but he had a job to do and he remembered what Hermione said about boundaries. He gripped Severus firmly, holding him above the water, making soothing noises.

"Severus … it's all right, kid. It's only water, it can't hurt you."

Severus continued to struggle. "Can't breathe."

"Only if your head goes under, and I promise I won't let that happen, okay? Look, it's harmless." Harry dipped a hand in the water and stirred it around a bit. "See?"

Severus still looked doubtful but he'd stopped struggling. Harry lowered him gently until his feet were just touching the surface. Severus gasped, but Harry held him still, and after a moment or two Severus began swirling his toes around in the water, beginning to chuckle.

Harry slowly lowered the boy in and Severus didn't protest once, just scooped up a handful of bubbles, examined them curiously, then dumped them in his hair. Harry chuckled and turned to the other boy.

"Albus. It's your turn."

The boy glared fiercely at him, the effect of which was slightly ruined by the pouting lower lip.

"Look at Severus. He didn't want to have a bath either, and he was scared of the water, and now look at him! Good as gold." Harry smiled at Severus, who was busy fashioning himself a Dumbledore-style beard.

Albus scowled. "Goody-goody Severus."

"Albus!" Harry said sharply. "Apologise, now."

The boy simply glared back. Harry sighed and suddenly dove, catching Albus, who lashed out with his fists. One caught his nose and they both paused, shocked. Harry felt a warm trickle slide down his cheek and wiped it without looking at it. Albus looked suddenly afraid.

Harry took advantage of the momentary pause, took a firm hold of him, uttered a quick prayer, and dumped the struggling boy into the water.

Ten minutes later, during which Severus sat and watched silently, Albus had finally resigned himself to the bath. Both he and Harry were soaked through and Harry felt like he needed a large Firewhiskey. (Not that he knew what it was like, of course …) He could feel dried blood on his face but ignored it and picked up the soap. He expected Albus to start fighting back again, but to his surprise the boy just let him do it. Harry suspected he was too tired to continue defying and mentally tallied the points: Harry one, Albus zero.

* * *

As Harry finished reading the last page of _The Dragon Who Couldn't Help Breathing Fire_, he glanced at the boys and breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of five boys sleeping soundly. He sighed and leaned back in his chair, feeling exhausted enough to fall asleep there and then.

A soft knock on the boys' bedroom door stopped him. "Come in," he whispered.

Hermione entered. "Are they asleep?"

Harry nodded, stood and joined her, closing the door quietly behind them.

"The girls went off about ten minutes ago," Hermione said. "I heard you talking so I didn't want to come in. How was the bathtime?"

Harry remained in stony silence, but his expression must have communicated clearly enough, because Hermione winced. "That bad, was it?"

"When we get the kids back to their proper age, I'm going to give Dumbledore a good piece of my mind," Harry said.

"I'm sure he'll take it well," Hermione replied. "He always does. What were the other boys like?"

"Severus had a phobia of water, Hagrid somehow got hold of the bubble bath bottle and thought it was milkshake, Argus broke the flag off the plastic boat and tried to ram it up his nose, and Alastor mistook the bath for a toilet."

"You let Hagrid at the bubble bath?"

"I'd put it on the window-sill, out of his reach! Then I turn to sort Argus out, and two seconds later he's got it in his grubby little hands. Don't ask me how he managed it."

Hermione sighed, shaking her head. "You know the saying. Boys will be boys."

"It's not a bloody excuse. What were the girls like?"

"I just told them that if they behaved like little angels, I'd let them take the dolls to bed with them."

Harry stared at her. "It was that easy?"

"Well, Peggy tried to insist upon having _all_ the dolls, and there was a bit of a fight when it came to getting them _into_ bed, but the actual bathtime went quite smoothly."

Harry shook his head. "That is so unfair. Is there some kind of personality-swapping spell we can do on them, so we can take turns with the bad ones?"

"Harry!"

"What? Just a thought. Any breakthroughs on the antidote, by the way?"

Hermione gritted her teeth and glared at him. "I will _tell_ you when I find something, you don't have to keep asking."

"Fine. I guess that means no progress on the lawyer front, either."

She looked taken aback at this. "What?"

"You said you'd look into it, remember?"

"Oh … yes." Hermione started twiddling with her fingers. "Um, Harry … I've been thinking …"

"About last month, you mean?"

"Yes. Er, I think that – well – this is going to be complex to sort out."

"I thought we knew that already?"

"Let me finish! I just mean – well -" Hermione took a deep breath. "Look, Harry, can we be honest with each other?"

Harry frowned at her. "Yes," he said slowly.

"There was – something – there. Something we hadn't noticed before. But have been since. Right?"

As she spoke, Harry's face grew inexplicably hot. "Um. Maybe."

"Well then, maybe it's just best to … see how things play out, rather than rush into anything." The last few words came out in a rush.

Harry stared at Hermione. She was one of his best friends, that she'd always been. It had never even occurred to him to consider her in any other way. But in the last few days …

She was right. Something had changed. Harry didn't know how to answer.

It seemed Hermione was wiser than him, because she cupped his cheek and kissed him.

* * *

"Well?" Voldemort hissed as Lucius Malfoy entered the circle, bowing low. "Has Draco found out where Severus has gone?"

"Indeed he has, my Lord," Lucius answered. "Very difficult is was for him, too. He had to use Veritaserum on Master Longbottom and then modify his memory. It was very difficult to get one of the members of Dumbledore's Army to drink anything he had to offer; they do not trust him. He had to – persuade – one of the house-elves to spike his pumpkin juice with it. Draco is not used to such tactics, my Lord."

"He will learn," Voldemort said with a dismissive gesture. "So, is Dumbledore keeping Severus too busy to respond to my calls, or is he genuinely ill?"

"Neither, my Lord." Lucius came close to licking his lips. "It seems Severus is unavoidably indisposed."

"And how, pray, is he indisposed?"

There was a pause. "My Lord, I ask of you, please remember that it was Draco who gathered this information for you."

"I asked you a question, Lucius!"

"Severus is de-aged, my Lord."

"De-aged?" Voldemort repeated.

"It means he's been regressed to childhood, my L -"

"I know what it means, you insolent worm!" Voldemort snapped. "Well, this was rather careless of Severus, wasn't it? Did he add the wrong ingredient to one of his potions?"

"No, my Lord – it seems to be a prank, most likely by one of the students. The organisation called Dumbledore's Army are trying to find a remedy."

"Why are they doing it?"

"Good question, Bellatrix," Voldemort said. "Well, Lucius?"

"My Lord, I – have yet to impart the best news."

"I grow tired of your delaying, Lucius! Out with it!"

"The whole staff were affected, my Lord. They've all been turned into children. Including …" Lucius paused. "Albus Dumbledore."

Voldemort remained silent for so long, his followers started to fidget. The glint in his red eyes was brighter than Christmas lights.

"It seems your son has excelled himself, Lucius," he finally said. "He will be rewarded."

"How so, my Lord?"

"He will let us into Hogwarts."

**TBC …**


End file.
